Okay, this post is probably going to be a bit heavy, and also with pretty much no photos. I think I have been releasing a lot of sadness that happened when I was 22. But, you know, that is part of what this adventure has been about, right? (yes, right)
So, yesterday I flew into LAX as I said before. I forgot to mention I was sitting next to a lady who did not speak English. I think she spoke mandarin but I’m not 100% sure. Anyway, during our flight she was trying to pull up the tray table and had a problem with it and kind of let out a ‘harumph!’ I patted her on the arm and showed her the release button and then she put prayer hands to her heart and bowed to say thank you.
The rest of the flight was uneventful, but she was really anxious to get off the plane to the point where after we got to the gate she kinda pushed in front of me (she was window, I was aisle) to get to her suitcase, which she pointed to, to a guy, so he would get it down for her. Okay, all good.
Once we made it down the de-barkation ramp, she was walking thru the airport. She kept turning around and looking at me. I felt like she was making sure she was going the right way. I went into a restroom. I saw her suitcase follow in and park outside the stall next to mine.
As I was washing my hands, she ran up pointing to her luggage tag. I said “hold on a minute (so I could get my glasses on and see what she was pointing at)” and then, “yes, I am going there too!”
So, we walked together, got on the escalator going down, and as we got to the bottom, 2 young people ran up and said “Amah!” and I knew she was good to go.
So, all good there. I then caught a shuttle to the Embassy Suites. I have to admit it was a let down after where I stayed in Hawaii, but no surprise right? But my room was dark, and kinda dank, and in a lost corner, and loud. But, I got thru it.
Then this morning I caught a bus up to Santa Barbara. My friend Ellen picked me up, I got to my hotel, a Kimpton (I love Kimptons) and all good.
Until hell broke loose.
As I mentioned before, I made friends at the hotel bar in Hilo. The work guy, Chad, we connected. Nothing physical happened between us but we just ‘got’ each other. We didn’t exchange any info, so, no means to contact each other again (no need to – we have our separate lives).
But, boy, tonight, it brought up this entire sense of loss I had from losing a boyfriend when I was 22. He had a massive heart attack while out running. It took almost 24 hours before I found out what happened. Of course, I had no chance to say good bye. With Chad I did get a chance to say good bye, but, it’s not like we’ll talk to each other again.
So, the emotions came out big tonight. Been crying for hours. It’s all good. I’ve been trying to go to sleep but I keep crying. So, I thought I would not try to sleep and share this with you.
This is good stuff, honestly. I’ve been carrying the pain of that loss for YEARS. I feel like I can release it now (or most of it anyway) and that is a good thing!
I was going to try to go to sleep but I think another episode of Shameless is in my future tonight. Sorry to go heavy and deep, but part of this journey for me is sharing what I’m going through, and that is what I am going through right now. Thanks for sharing it with me. It means a lot. Hopefully I’ll have a quiet couple of days to finish processing this.
I’ll be in Santa Barbara for a week, so who knows what all may happen. All I know is I’m happy to be near water again. Weird to think I am on the other side of the pacific ocean from Hilo. Very weird.
Oh, and by the way, I took my first hot bath in a very long time tonight. It was AWESOME. So, there’s been some happy stuff mixed in with the releasing stuff. All good!
Til next time!